An Infertility Christmas Newsletter

Another day, another shot in the ass.

It’s been a wonderful year for us as we spent another 365 days trying, futilely, to procreate. But it’s impossible to spend all day every day trying to get pregnant. No matter how hard you try, life gets in the way. Read on as I give you a taste of what 2011 was like in my (our?) world — the good, the bad, and the wonderful.

Ultrasounds: 23 transvaginally (yes, that’s exactly what it sounds like), plus 2 more during embryo transfers. Grand total: 25

Subcutaneous injections, a.k.a. Shots in the Bellyfat:  14, with a 1/2-inch needle. That’s a total of 7 inches of needle right in the belly, just east of my belly button.

Intramuscular injections, a.k.a. “Shots in the Ass”:  52, with a 1-1/2 inch needle.  One per week, but it wasn’t spaced out quite so nicely. All 52 were squooshed into a period of 4 weeks and 2 weeks. My butt permanently hurts now.

Shots in the Leg: just one.  Thank god for that, because even with just one shot, it took six weeks for my quadricep to fully recover.

Total number of people who gave me shots in the ass:  5.   My husband, nurse friend (Love Muffin), neighbor, sister, and best girl friend Tiny.

Text messages sent to my neighbor, asking her if she could come over and give me my shot:  15. I’m lucky she still talks to me. 😀

Eggs tracked, measured, hatched, retrieved, fertilized or implanted:  About 40, I would guess. Give or take a few.

Big Fat Negative pregnancy tests:  Six

Big Fat Positive pregnancy tests:  Zero.  (But it’s not yet December 31st, so let’s all cross our fingers and send happy thoughts that we might just get our first one as an early Christmas present!)

Instances of crying at work:  About 14, but ask me again on Friday. 😀

Visits to my therapist, outside my normal biweekly schedule:  Five or six, but one of those was thanks to my former best friend breaking up with me the day before my egg retrieval. So not necessarily IVF-related.

Number of times I spent an afternoon with a small child and questioned the wisdom of my quest:  9 or 10.

New mothers hidden from my Facebook feed:  Four.  I’m not quite ready to unhide them yet, but someday I will. Promise.

Blog entries that have pissed someone off:  2 that I know of.  Probably many more I don’t.

Laughable threats of legal action received as a result of my infertility blog:  Just 1 this year. It made for some good laughs.

Okay, so that covers the crappy bits. Now that I’ve addressed them, I can share the good stuff.

Trips to Florida:  Two.  One to Disney, with multiple rides on the Rock & Rollercoaster and Tower of Doom. A second to see my sister.

Floats down the Wolf River with a giant group of family and friends:  One, with very few mosquito bites.

U2 concerts attended at Soldier Field:  One, but it should count for more than that because it was awesome. Just my second stadium show ever.

Road trips to Texas, to see my best friend from college who I haven’t seen in SEVEN YEARS:  Again, just one, but I loved every minute of the visit!

Food I helped give to the hungry, through a charity event I help plan every year: 18,589 pounds

Flights to the east coast:  Two. Boston for work and NYC for work.  Have I mentioned that I love my job?

Awesome next-door neighbors gained:  Two (one couple). Three if you count their dog, who has become best friends with my dog. My neighbor girl (and her fella) are pretty darn amazing all by themselves, dog or not.

Softball games played:  22, plus a few more I probably didn’t put on my calendar. I’m sure we won all of ’em. 🙂

Volleyball games played:  23, approximately. I would have preferred to play 40 or more. I kind of have a problem.

Volleyball tournaments dominated:  3.  Let’s not fact-check that stat, okay?

Massages received:  19.  That’s 1,140 minutes of relaxation, plus about 60 minutes of chair massage.  I. Love. Massages.

Motley Crue concerts attended:  One.  Home Sweet Home was amazing but seeing four aging dudes reliving their glory years was way entertaining.

Sneaky pictures taken of my husband snuggling with our dog, who he swears he does not like:  12.  He’s a ginormous liar.

Pictures of my furbabies posted to Facebook in lieu of a human baby:  463  (I was too lazy to count, so that’s an estimate. I’m sure my Facebook followers would testify that it was annoying no matter how many I posted. Oops.)

Hysterical laughs shared with my sisters, parents, niece, and nephews:  642, give or take. My niece and nephew say the most hilarious things. He and my other niece/nephew are the opposite of birth control.

Nights spent in the company of my amazing friends:  About a million.

Hugs, kisses, and snuggles received from my husband:  About a million and two.

So here we are, 12 months later.  At this point last year, I said to myself, “Infertile Girl, 2011 will be your year.”  And I’m an optimist by nature, so I’ll wrap up this list-style Christmas letter with one last bullet point, with a goal of looking on the bright side:

Days that I was happy for one reason or another, despite infertility:  365 and 1/4

In 2012, I’ll shoot to introduce all of you to Frozen Peanut in the flesh.  Cross your fingers for us. And while you’re at it, have yourself a wonderful Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or holiday. My best wishes to you and yours, from me, the husband, the kitties, and the furbaby.

Look! A Christmas schnauzer! He’s so cute. If he had sticking-up ears he would be cuter, but I can’t really see them under his Santa hat.